We frequently get asked about our coolest travel experiences and favorite countries. They are great questions. But there’s a question that leads to better stories:

“What’s the worst thing that happened to you?”

If you want to get off the beaten path, eat like a local, and explore beyond modern Western countries, you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Here are our 12 worst moments in 2.5 years of travel on 6 continents and 40+ countries:

Travel is hard sometimes

#12. New Zealand grandma puts me on blast

December and January are great months to spend in the Southern Hemisphere, enjoying a second summer/second breakfast. 

For sufferers of hay fever, it’s also peak allergy season. On a bus ride from Picton to Christchurch, I spent six hours miserably sniffling and blowing my nose.

Arriving in Christchurch, everyone stood up to exit the bus. An elderly woman turned around and asked if it was me who had been sniffling. 

With a busload of people watching and waiting to unload, she said “Have you thought about wearing a mask? I’m a retired nurse and you’ve probably infected this whole bus.” Horrified, I meekly mentioned my hay fever while onlookers gaped.

I probably infected this whole lake

#11. Madagascar bathroom incident

Madagascar has issues with food safety. When visiting, it’s a good idea to note where the nearest bathroom is at all times. After eating lunch in a local restaurant and using the facilities, my wife and I were paying the bill. 

An angry waitress came over to our table yelling in Malagasy. We were eating with our Peace Corps friends who pretended not to understand the women. We all knew what she was yelling about. 

The woman wanted extra money for cleaning up the now-destroyed bathroom. 

We got really comfortable talking about poop with our friends in Madagascar.

Zebu brochettes: tasty but dangerous

#10. Almost died in Las Vegas

We love Las Vegas. We love the energy, the entertainment, and the pumped-in oxygen. You can walk down the street drinking a yard-long margarita. We almost died there, but not from some crazy drug-fueled adventure like in The Hangover. 

At the end of a 3000-mile road trip from Billings, Montana to Vancouver to San Diego to Las Vegas, we were only five minutes from my dad’s condo a few miles east of The Strip.

As we started to turn left through a green arrow, someone driving the other direction plowed through the red light on the other side. I slammed on the brakes. The other driver swerved. Their tires made that horrible screeching sound you hear when rubber is getting left behind on the pavement. We avoided a collision by inches. Maybe (probably?) we would have survived the impact, but I’m glad we didn’t have to find out. 

Red Rock Canyon outside Las Vegas

#9. Sterling drops his wallet on the bus 

Packed into a minibus in Madagascar, I dropped my wallet. 

Somewhere along the ride between towns, I noticed it was missing. The bus full of people helped me look for it. We soon learned one passenger had mysteriously gotten off the bus earlier than intended.

The worst part? I’d been carrying around $200 “for emergencies.” 

I bought a money belt when we got home and I stopped carrying around so much cash afterward. Even in Madagascar, ATMs just aren’t hard to find. 

The average annual income in Madagascar is $461. Hopefully that person really appreciated the $200. 

$200, aka 700,000 Ariary

#8. So much food poisoning

Our host in Bali kindly brought watermelon to our room. 

Sarah doesn’t like watermelon, so I ate it all myself. The rind should protect you from contamination, right? 

Wrong. 

Apparently, ground fruits like watermelon and cantaloupe are great places for the Listeria bacteria. When you cut through the rind, the knife drags through whatever bacteria is growing on the outside. Then you don’t get to surf for a few days.

Sarah got food poisoning in India and we both got food poisoning in Peru (in different places). Blech.

Bali: home to great food as well as Bali belly

#7. Sri Lanka bus accident

Winding up a mountain road to Adam’s Peak, rain was leaking through the roof and onto Sarah’s head. 

I kindly offered to switch seats with her. Chugging along at 5 mph, our bus driver took one corner a little too sharply. 

WHAM—the back left tire slipped off the road and into the ditch. Sarah and I, sitting above the right rear tire, catapulted into the aisle. Sarah crashed hard on her shoulder and nearly tumbled out of the back door, which was open.

I’d been on my phone when we crashed and my email took a strange turn: “On the bus. Should arr8ML/” 

Because we were sitting across the axle, Sarah and I were the only people who were thrown from our seats. Other passengers kindly helped us up and we exited the bus. Sarah’s shoulder was sore, but we caught the next bus and continued with our sunrise hike of Adam’s Peak the next morning.

The bus crash wasn’t that bad at the time. It was a little scary and kind of funny. Two months later, Sarah’s shoulder still hurt and we had to schedule an MRI in Helsinki, which was a logistic and financial pain. 

The MRI showed a minor tear in her labrum. Sarah is still doing physical therapy.

Waiting for the next bus

#6. Sarah gets pickpocketed

Traveling in Madagascar, we learned to stay in at night, be careful in crowds, and keep an eye on our possessions.

On our last night with our friends, we had a few drinks and decided to walk through a crowd at night. Normally we were vigilant about keeping valuables in our front pockets and our hands on our stuff. However, there was a concert happening, and to avoid losing each other, we all held hands as we passed through the crowd.

That’s when Sarah felt someone reach into her pocket and take her phone. She yelled and I took off after the two pickpockets. As I ran past Sarah, our feet tangled and she fell. In an instant, I had to decide whether to give chase or stay with Sarah. I picked her up off the ground.

I tried to spot the men again, but had lost them. Our friend consoled us: “It’s better not to catch them. People have knives here.”

Still want to visit Madagascar? Check out our budget traveler’s guide.

#5. Sarah gets groped in Egypt

Street harassment, aggressive behavior, and conservative views on women left us lukewarm about Egypt. Street touts are everywhere and obnoxiously persistent. We saw multiple fender benders lead to shouting matches. The television we watched was rapier than an 80s comedy movie.

Riding bicycles from Luxor to the Karnak Temple, a group of tweens gathered in our path, yelling, “Euro! Euro!” 

I pushed through, but Sarah got held up as the tallest among them held up his shirt, pointing to intense burns scars on his stomach and chest. As Sarah tried to extricate from the surrounding tweens, the young man with the burns grabbed her chest. I raced over, yelling in English, fist cocked. 

Though I threatened to throw the whole group in the Nile, we couldn’t do much. Was I going to beat up a 12-year-old with burn scars and probable mental health issues?

Pyramids were cool though

#4. Tire slash in Chile

While admiring the Osorno Volcano, some men asked if we would take photos of them. 

They weirdly didn’t seem to care if the volcano was in the picture, but whatever. Sitting in our car about to leave, we heard a ‘thunk’ by our back right tire. 

A man walked by holding a backpack. Sarah was suspicious, but I figured his backpack accidentally knocked into our car. 

Driving down the volcano, we stopped to take a picture. The same men also stopped to take a picture. Clouds blew in and obscured the view, so we continued down the mountain.

Several hours later, we stopped to set up camp and make dinner. A whooshing sound exhaled from our tire, which was rapidly expelling air. 

Upon inspection, we found the tire slash. All of the little clues started to add up. We spent the night in our car with the doors locked, paranoid the men had followed us. Sarah slept with a pocket knife.

Red tape marks the slash

#3. A child touches Sarah’s butthole

India is possibly the most dangerous country on earth for women. There are 10 percent more men than women and that leads to some repressed sexuality. As foreigners, we got used to some staring. In India, we never got used to the leering.

In Jaipur, we decided to watch the sunset from the Nahargarh Fort overlooking the city. The problem with watching the sunset in Jaipur is when you finish, it’s nighttime in Jaipur. 

After our hike, we called an Uber. The neighborhood didn’t feel great, but there were plenty of people still on the street at 7pm, including women and children. Travel tip: If you see women and children walking around, this is usually a good sign.

As we waited for our Uber, two children around nine or ten walked by us. As they passed by, one of the boys stuck his finger up Sarah’s butt and swiped his finger along her crotch on the outside of her pants.

They ran a short distance away before stopping and turning around. Sarah told me what happened and I started yelling. They ran into an alley and disappeared. Nobody on the street took much notice. We waited in the dark for our Uber. It took forever.

On my way to a great view over Jaipur

Watching Sarah’s back for butthole-touching children

#2. A robber points a gun at my face

We knew there were some sketchy neighborhoods in Valparaiso, Chile. Still, we were hungry. A dumpling restaurant with excellent reviews was only a three-minute walk from our hostel.

At the top of a staircase, we heard a scream around the corner. Two men came running from where we heard the scream. 

We changed course but it was too late. The first man pulled a gun and aimed it at me. I yelled “RUN!” and we sprinted down the stairs. 

At the bottom, I looked back. Sarah was tumbling down the stairs, willing herself to keep moving. I saw the men in the distance, ascending the other direction. We walked home. Neither of us slept well for a while. 

A week later, the Osorno Volcano tire slash incident happened.

Risked our lives for these dumplings

#1. Bus bugs!

On a hot and humid day in Peru, we booked a 20-hour bus ride to Lima. The ticket vendor assured us the bus would have AC and Wi-Fi. It had neither.

The cockroaches on the bus were disconcerting, but I’ve seen bigger. The real problem was the humidity. Sweating up a storm, I slept shirtless, slipping in and out of sleep as we whipped around the winding coastal roads. It was easily our worst night of sleep in South America. 

We arrived in Lima on schedule. Our anniversary was in a couple days and we had a nice Airbnb booked. We were looking forward to taking a break from the sketchy hotels and hostels we typically stayed in. 

Upon arrival, Sarah was feeling extremely itchy. Preparing to take a needed shower, she finally saw the hundreds of red bumps all over her body.

They itched like crazy and we spent hours carefully washing all of our clothes and bags, trying not to be the people who brought bed bugs to our host’s apartment. 

Despite Sarah’s million bites, I slept shirtless and didn’t have a single one.

Not pictured: Sarah’s million bug bites

Conclusion

It’s not attempted robbery—it’s ADVENTURE! Has anything bad happened to you while traveling? Tell us your story in the comments below.

Note that this guide contains affiliate links, meaning that if you purchase something through the links, you are supporting us in the costs of running Two Fish Traveling. All the products that we discuss are ones that we use and love—like bug proofing our clothes with Permethrin to prevent malaria/dengue fever. We earn a small percentage of the sale at no extra cost to the purchaser.

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Sterling Laudon

I am Sterling, one of the Two Fish Traveling. I love to travel and live in Polson, Montana with my wife Sarah.

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